No cheese, please!

I know what you’re thinking.  “No” and “cheese” in the same sentence?  Whaaa?

Actually, it’s quite common for me.  For the foodie friends who have dined with me before, I’m sure you have heard me utter this phrase: “Can I get that with no cheese, please?”

And the subsequent conversation would go something like this:

“You don’t like cheese?”

“I don’t like cheese.”

“What about on hamburgers?”

“Nope.”

“Tacos?”

“No.”

“Pizza?”

“Well, on pizza is okay.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

And to be honest, having cheese on pizza isn’t really okay.  I would be particularly grateful for the pizzas that were extra saucy or had lots of toppings to mask the nasty cheesy taste.  And if, God forbid, I had a particularly cheesy bite, I would swallow it to get rid of that taste ASAP.  And then probably gag a little bit after.

And why do I subject myself to such torture, you ask?  Well, it’s hard to explain.  I have come to accept the fact that cheese is just an integral part of pizza.  I have come to think that pizza without cheese is like trail mix without pretzels or jellybeans without the licorice ones.  Cheese, pretzels, and licorice all suck, but they’re just automatically a part of the whole. (Actually, pretzels are not bad.  People shouldn’t hate on pretzels.  Salt-free and whole grain pretzels are actually a good low-calorie snack.)

But alas, this was all before I ventured into the world of Neapolitan pizzas.  The first time I wandered into Famoso, I was prepared to scour the menu for the pizza with the most toppings and ask for extra sauce if need be.  But then my eyes fell onto this one magical word: Marinara.  A pizza with marinara sauce, garlic, basil, and olive oil.  And then in bold: No cheese.

Did my eyes deceive me?  No.  I actually did some research ( ie. went on Wikipedia) and discovered that one of the official variants of Neapolitan pizzas was the pizza marinara, which has no cheese.  I have no reason to feel guilty because I’m not compromising the integrity of the pizza.  It’s already made with no cheese to begin with.  I finally found my holy pizza grail!

That’s right, my friends.  When you next ask me if cheese on pizza is okay, I will reply, “No, cheese on pizza is not okay!” I will gladly take your sneers and jeers because I finally do not to have to force myself to choke down anymore of that nasty cheesiness.

Also, Parmesan tastes like puke.  There’s actually a scientific reason behind it!

My body, my rules.

I don’t want to sound spoiled.  I really don’t.  But there are certain situations where I really hate being told what to do.  When someone tells me to do certain things, like wash my dishes or do my laundry, it annoys me.  To the max.  I’m an adult; I know.  And these are my responsibilities as an adult; I know.  But hey, I’m also human.  And humans tend to procrastinate when it comes to doing the more mundane activities of life.  I will get to them eventually!  Just maybe not right away…

It makes me feel like such a child when people feel like they have to remind me to do the things that I already know I have to do.  Like, you know when people are trying to tell you what to do, but they mask it as “advice” or “reminders”?  Yes, I take offence to that.  When people try to “advise” me (like, “I really think it’s better for you to do laundry more frequently, so it doesn’t pile up.”) or try to give me little “reminders” (like, “Don’t forget to do the dishes before the food dries up and gets stuck to the plates!”), my left hand has to hold my right fist back while I grit my teeth and mumble, “Don’t worry.  I got it.”

It gets ugly when someone crosses that line and tries to give me advice about how I should handle something really personal: my sexual life.  At that point, the AW-HELL-NAH-YUH-DIDN’T in me comes out.

Wow.  I’ve definitely had my share of “advice” from people who think they know what’s best for me.  And I’m not talking about people like gynecologists or sexual health counsellors, all of whom I have seeked professional advice from.  Because any advice pertaining to my sexual health and safety is, of course, of utmost importance to me.

But when relatives or friends try to give me advice on my sexuality coated with their own values and morals, that truly, truly makes me angry.  To the max!!!

“Shirley, good girls don’t have sex before marriage, understand?” “Shirley, I think it’s best if you don’t give yourself up so quickly.”  “Shirley, I just don’t want you to be taken advantage of.”  “Shirley, you think you know, but I’ve been there, so I know better.”

Firstly, why would anyone ever, EVER feel like they know what is better for me than ME?  I am an adult, and I am MORE than capable of making my own decisions suited for my own sexual well-being.  And secondly, why would anyone ever, EVER try to impose their own values and morals onto me?  Again, I am an adult, and I have long ago established my own values and morals that I apply to my everyday actions and decisions.  Especially, when it comes to sex, I have been educated enough to know the dangers and consequences and how to practise it safely.  Please do not think you are in a position to give me advice just because you are older than me or more “experienced” than me.

And don’t get me wrong, I will listen very carefully if what you have to say has anything to do with sexual safety.  But if you are about to give me advice that runs along the lines of “you think you know, but you don’t…” then please save your breath.  Do people really have so little faith in me that I will make terrible decisions that will ruin my life?  I can take care of myself because I know myself better than anyone.

Jessie and James

Hey y’all. I’m back now after about five months of being MIA. No reason for the disappearance really. Just a lack of inspiration, I guess! I’ve been having a blast with my relatives visiting from Hong Kong and LA. So yeah, life is not bad. But you know what IS bad? People who have absolutely NO respect for others. I know…illogical sequence of thoughts. Haha. But let’s just go with it…

If you’re reading this, and you know me, and you’re part of a relationship, then I’ll let you decide if I’m talking about you or not. (Don’t know if you’ll ever figure it out though, because I’ll never tell…) [Insert maniacal laugh.] But seriously…I’m not really talking about one specific couple. Let’s just say it’s a trend I’ve been noticing amongst many couples. For the sake of this post, I’ll talk about the situation and refer to a fictional couple. Let’s call them Jessie and James. (Oh, hayy Team Rocket!)

Jessie and James think they have their shit figured out. To them, respect is a right. Jessie and James have been together for some time now, and they believe that they’ve earned the respect of each other’s family just because of the mere fact that they’ve been together for a somewhat of a long amount of time. But Jessie’s family is not respecting and accepting James like he imagined they would, and vice versa for James’ family towards Jessie. What’s the deal? James thinks Jessie’s family is being uptight and too traditional, so he adapts a “screw them!” kind of mindset, because he doesn’t have the time to beg for their respect and acceptance. Same with Jessie towards James’ family. So is it true? Should respect and acceptance into the family come automatically over time?

Jessie, Jessie, Jessie. James, James, James. You innocent, naive, ignorant, little idiots…

I do not think that respect comes automatically because you think you deserve it. Who would be pompous enough to think that they’re so high and mighty that respect should be their right to have?

Respect is a PRIVILEGE. You want respect? You work for it and earn it like the mature adult you’re supposed to be. So many kids these days get things handed to them because their parents don’t want to see their precious children suffer for anything. I don’t want to criticize anyone’s parenting, but would it not hurt your children in the future if you shelter them and not allow them to experience the real world and learn lessons along the way? Then somewhere down the line, two of these sheltered little shitheads find each other and believe that they are somehow better than everyone around them and that other people should be the ones grovelling at their feet and begging for their respect. Couples these days… Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Though I’d very much enjoy gifting each of them a swift punch in the face.

Again, don’t be offended. I’m not talking about anyone specifically. I could be talking about myself for all you know. And I also apologize for the illogical, nonsensical thoughts of this post. Just wanted to write something because my fingers were itching to rant about something. And because I like to ramble about random weirdness in general.