My body, my rules.

I don’t want to sound spoiled.  I really don’t.  But there are certain situations where I really hate being told what to do.  When someone tells me to do certain things, like wash my dishes or do my laundry, it annoys me.  To the max.  I’m an adult; I know.  And these are my responsibilities as an adult; I know.  But hey, I’m also human.  And humans tend to procrastinate when it comes to doing the more mundane activities of life.  I will get to them eventually!  Just maybe not right away…

It makes me feel like such a child when people feel like they have to remind me to do the things that I already know I have to do.  Like, you know when people are trying to tell you what to do, but they mask it as “advice” or “reminders”?  Yes, I take offence to that.  When people try to “advise” me (like, “I really think it’s better for you to do laundry more frequently, so it doesn’t pile up.”) or try to give me little “reminders” (like, “Don’t forget to do the dishes before the food dries up and gets stuck to the plates!”), my left hand has to hold my right fist back while I grit my teeth and mumble, “Don’t worry.  I got it.”

It gets ugly when someone crosses that line and tries to give me advice about how I should handle something really personal: my sexual life.  At that point, the AW-HELL-NAH-YUH-DIDN’T in me comes out.

Wow.  I’ve definitely had my share of “advice” from people who think they know what’s best for me.  And I’m not talking about people like gynecologists or sexual health counsellors, all of whom I have seeked professional advice from.  Because any advice pertaining to my sexual health and safety is, of course, of utmost importance to me.

But when relatives or friends try to give me advice on my sexuality coated with their own values and morals, that truly, truly makes me angry.  To the max!!!

“Shirley, good girls don’t have sex before marriage, understand?” “Shirley, I think it’s best if you don’t give yourself up so quickly.”  “Shirley, I just don’t want you to be taken advantage of.”  “Shirley, you think you know, but I’ve been there, so I know better.”

Firstly, why would anyone ever, EVER feel like they know what is better for me than ME?  I am an adult, and I am MORE than capable of making my own decisions suited for my own sexual well-being.  And secondly, why would anyone ever, EVER try to impose their own values and morals onto me?  Again, I am an adult, and I have long ago established my own values and morals that I apply to my everyday actions and decisions.  Especially, when it comes to sex, I have been educated enough to know the dangers and consequences and how to practise it safely.  Please do not think you are in a position to give me advice just because you are older than me or more “experienced” than me.

And don’t get me wrong, I will listen very carefully if what you have to say has anything to do with sexual safety.  But if you are about to give me advice that runs along the lines of “you think you know, but you don’t…” then please save your breath.  Do people really have so little faith in me that I will make terrible decisions that will ruin my life?  I can take care of myself because I know myself better than anyone.

Advertisements

PDA (Part 2) : Couples vs. The Public

no public display of affection - Google Images

Okay you two, that’s enough…

 

Like I said in Part 1, there are so many different levels and layers to this topic. When is it okay? When is it not? To me, it really depends on the type of situation you’re in.

 

PDA-ing in front of the general public is sort of tricky. I will admit that I am a little more lax with showing affection towards my boyfriend when it’s just us two and strangers around us. In my mind, I tell myself that there’s a huge possibility that I won’t see any of those people ever again, and if they really had a problem with us acting like a couple, then they could just utter their snide remark and move on with their lives. (They’re lucky they live in a country with freedom of speech. Otherwise…hehe, just kidding.) 


And when I say acting like a couple, I mean holding hands, hugging, the occasional peck, and maybe even staring each other down with affection. You know, the little things. Bigger (and inappropriate) gestures would include grabbing and groping, tongue action, and exchange of saliva. C’mon people, it ain’t that hard, is it?


It really comes down to using your judgment. If I feel like I’m making an affectionate gesture that I may not realize right away that it may be slightly inappropriate and I see it is bothering someone, I will stop. I keep in mind that if I were in the other person’s shoes, I would probably feel uncomfortable as well. Be respectful. That’s all.


But if I feel like I’m making an affectionate gesture that is common for couples to do, and it still bothers someone, this is a situation where I would make a stand for myself and be like, “Hey, does me hugging my boyfriend bother you? Then look look the other way, homie!” I’m not going to show my boyfriend zero affection just because I’m worried about every little comment that might be made. It’s one of those situations: You hate us? But you’re still talking about us. 


Respect between a couple and the public is mutual. Couples need to respect the general public by not going overboard with their PDA and the general public needs to respect that couples just need to act like couples sometimes. I think it’s as simple as that.


But honestly, saying this issue is simple is a HUGE overstatement. Back to what is considered to be overboard and what isn’t, everyone has their own opinion about that. Let’s just trust the human race to practice common sense and everyone will live happily ever after, yes? (Oh my.)

 

Thanks for reading. 🙂

PDA (Part 1) : Growing up in a Chilese Famiry

http://www.stopdoingthis.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Fifth-Wheel-Public-Displays-of-Affection.jpg

Have you ever identified yourself with those unfortunate souls who call themselves “the third wheel”? Those who are suckered into hanging out with their couple friends and find themselves forced to take in all the lovey-dovey giggles and the do-you-ever-come-up-for-air smooches?


More often than not, I will force myself to take a few steps back before trying to form any sort of opinion for others to hear, essentially so I don’t say anything I’ll regret or anything that may offend anyone. But hey, I’m human, and I will be as raw as I need to be when it boils down to an opinion I feel really strongly about. So when it comes to such a fascinating topic such as public displays of affection, also known as PDA, who wouldn’t get overly passionate?


Before going any further, I would like to invite you to take a brief look of how I was brought up, so as to better understand why I think the way I do. I am a Canadian who was raised in a traditional Chinese family. When I say traditional, I mean:

  • Anything under an A+ is bullshit
  • We beat you because we love you
  • Of course you have a say in your career options. Doctor, lawyer, or accountant. Any of those three.
  • We is too g-star to say “I love you”
  • You’re not allowed to have a boyfriend until you’re 25
  • Your boyfriend must be educated, have a rich family, and be filthy rich himself
  • You’re allowed to try to talk back to us, but also prepare to meet your face to the back of our hands
  • We tell you you’re fat to motivate you to eat healthier
  • What? You want to go out? But proper girls stay home. Why don’t you study? Why don’t you practice piano? Why don’t you cook and clean and sew like a proper lady?

THAT kind of traditional. Okay, some of the stuff may be a little exaggerated, or it can be 100 percent true for some of you. It’s different for everyone. My CBC homies know ’bout that life. 

All jokes aside, the typical values of a Chinese family (but can also be applied to other cultures) are very focused on respect and tradition. I don’t agree with all the rules and values, but a lot of these traditional views do rub off on me when it comes to forming my own personal values.


With these values in mind, I think showing your love to your partner is a beautiful thing, given that it is done in the right place and at the right time. However, PDA-ing as if you had to show and prove to the world how loving your relationship is, in my humble opinion, comes off as disrespectful, inconsiderate, and just completely unnecessary.


Trust me; ain’t nobody gonna watch two lovebirds slobbering on each other’s faces with mad tongue action and then say, “Aw! Das cute!” ‘Cause it ain’t. See? The ghetto in me comes out when I get passionate. I’ll try to tone it down though.


The next part to this post is in the works, so stay tuned for Part 2. What do all-a-yalls think about PDA? I know there are so many different layers and levels and whatnot to this topic, but everyone is entitled to their opinion. No judgments over hurr at Think Shirley!