I don’t want to sound spoiled. I really don’t. But there are certain situations where I really hate being told what to do. When someone tells me to do certain things, like wash my dishes or do my laundry, it annoys me. To the max. I’m an adult; I know. And these are my responsibilities as an adult; I know. But hey, I’m also human. And humans tend to procrastinate when it comes to doing the more mundane activities of life. I will get to them eventually! Just maybe not right away…
It makes me feel like such a child when people feel like they have to remind me to do the things that I already know I have to do. Like, you know when people are trying to tell you what to do, but they mask it as “advice” or “reminders”? Yes, I take offence to that. When people try to “advise” me (like, “I really think it’s better for you to do laundry more frequently, so it doesn’t pile up.”) or try to give me little “reminders” (like, “Don’t forget to do the dishes before the food dries up and gets stuck to the plates!”), my left hand has to hold my right fist back while I grit my teeth and mumble, “Don’t worry. I got it.”
It gets ugly when someone crosses that line and tries to give me advice about how I should handle something really personal: my sexual life. At that point, the AW-HELL-NAH-YUH-DIDN’T in me comes out.
Wow. I’ve definitely had my share of “advice” from people who think they know what’s best for me. And I’m not talking about people like gynecologists or sexual health counsellors, all of whom I have seeked professional advice from. Because any advice pertaining to my sexual health and safety is, of course, of utmost importance to me.
But when relatives or friends try to give me advice on my sexuality coated with their own values and morals, that truly, truly makes me angry. To the max!!!
“Shirley, good girls don’t have sex before marriage, understand?” “Shirley, I think it’s best if you don’t give yourself up so quickly.” “Shirley, I just don’t want you to be taken advantage of.” “Shirley, you think you know, but I’ve been there, so I know better.”
Firstly, why would anyone ever, EVER feel like they know what is better for me than ME? I am an adult, and I am MORE than capable of making my own decisions suited for my own sexual well-being. And secondly, why would anyone ever, EVER try to impose their own values and morals onto me? Again, I am an adult, and I have long ago established my own values and morals that I apply to my everyday actions and decisions. Especially, when it comes to sex, I have been educated enough to know the dangers and consequences and how to practise it safely. Please do not think you are in a position to give me advice just because you are older than me or more “experienced” than me.
And don’t get me wrong, I will listen very carefully if what you have to say has anything to do with sexual safety. But if you are about to give me advice that runs along the lines of “you think you know, but you don’t…” then please save your breath. Do people really have so little faith in me that I will make terrible decisions that will ruin my life? I can take care of myself because I know myself better than anyone.